When Open Doors Cost Too Much
The evidence was there, but I couldn’t see it. It’s only in looking back now that I can clearly see I was stretched way too thin. Yes, the job was incredibly busy, but I was only adding to the problem.
Burnout was approaching, and I had no idea. In less than three years my tank would be completely drained.
One clue was right in front of me, and it was so obvious. It was that I looked forward to two parts of my workday – the early morning and the late afternoon/early evening.
I’ll explain shortly why that should have been an alarm but let me set the stage.
I was responsible for multiple programs and several hundred people. I had anywhere from 8-12 different supervisors who were my direct reports, and several key functional experts who answered directly to me on matters that pertained to the entire office.
My calendar was full of meetings and conference calls with my direct reports, outside entities, and the always present corporate office. Empty spots didn’t stay that way for long.
I actually had three calendars. One for unclassified stuff, and two for different levels of classified matters.
I had three email accounts. It seemed like most of my day was spent triaging messages, planning when I might respond. With each passing minute, the number of messages grew, as did those with attachments.
To top it off, I had an open-door policy. Someone had explained to me years earlier that having such a policy promoted goodwill and made me approachable. It showed people that I did not live in an ivory tower and cared for them.
I took that philosophy and made it even “better.” My actions, and what I tolerated, clearly demonstrated how I operated. My open-door policy meant that anyone, at any time, could stop by and I would drop whatever I was doing to meet with them.
After all, I believed in the servant leadership model and wasn’t that what I was doing – serving others?
In my mind, serving others meant that anything I was doing, or had to do, could wait. Wouldn’t it be selfish of me to think that my workday involved taking care of MY responsibilities? Banish the thought!
I served in that position for almost four years and am not proud to say that I got out of my office for lunch a grand total of eleven times, three of which came during my last two weeks.
And that is why I looked forward to the early morning and late afternoon. Because it was the “time” where I could get my work done and at least feel like I had accomplished something during the day.
But the afternoon was a wash because by then I was mentally fried. So, in reality, I only had the early morning and that was never enough time.
I wonder what it would’ve looked like if I had a coach back then; someone to challenge my assumptions and the self-narrative and hold me accountable.
What was my biggest problem?
I had ZERO boundaries around my time and energy.
I had been able to “suck it up” and “power through” for so many years that I believed it was just a part of the job. Oh, how wrong I was! The day when the tank showed “E” was coming and it took burnout to get my attention.
No matter how much you desire to serve others as a leader, without boundaries you will find yourself running on empty, and no good to anyone.
Effective leadership requires – no, it demands – protecting your time and focus so that you can handle the sacred responsibility.
If this resonates with you, whether you’re on that road already or worried you might end up there, hit REPLY and send me a note.
I have been there and only by God’s grace am I on the other side. You don’t have to do it alone.
Dan
Founder, Leader First Coaching